tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-114091812024-03-21T07:13:36.415-04:00Motherhood, Otherhood, and the Deep and DarkI'm one of those people that needs to get stuff off my chest from time to time. I should mention that this chest of which I speak is (still) gainfully employed -- I'm nursing my almost 3-year old daughter and have two older, but still small children who each weaned near their 4th birthdays. My journey to and through motherhood and otherhood has roused the deep and dark within me, and this was supposed to be the place where I got it all off my chest ... but I've been a blogging failure.*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-88470114093706541402010-12-31T21:57:00.002-05:002010-12-31T22:07:14.016-05:00Beyond Avoidance<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 20 – Beyond Avoidance.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Well, yes. There is something I've been avoiding, putting off, just not doing. And yes, it's because I'm worried, unsure, busy, and otherwise deterred from doing it. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I'm not going to write about it here. And I doubt I'm going to actually do it in 2011, either. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I'm OK with that, though. I'll get to it eventually. I'll probably wonder why I didn't do it sooner when I finally get it done ... but I'm OK with that, too. </p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-56570581420274046462010-12-31T21:09:00.002-05:002010-12-31T21:46:13.535-05:00Healing<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 19 – Healing.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Well, I think I've already established how wonderful it's been to discover that I have a gluten intolerance (probably celiac disease), and how adopting a gluten-free diet has been incredibly healing for me, physically.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Now, though, as I look forward, I realize I cannot blame being tired, sore, achy, irritable, or sick for any lack of action on my part. It's time for me to make progress, real progress.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">It's time for me to stop settling for my body the way it is. I know it can be better, I know I can make better food choices, I can exercise more consistently, I can sleep more, I can be more vigilant about taking the supplements that I need. I can be faster, I can have a clearer mind, I can feel better.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">So, I'm setting goals. I hate to call them resolutions, but I do have concrete plans of action for physical healing, for the next step in feeling better. I'm going to track my food intake online again, because that's been a very helpful tool for me (I like <a href="http://www.livestrong.com/myplate">MyPlate</a> for this). I'm aiming to run/walk/jog 100 miles a month ... yes, that's an average of 3+ miles a day without a break, I know! I'm excited about the challenge and hopeful for the benefits it will bring to my body.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Naturally, the healing that has taken place physically is leading me to be able to heal emotionally. I will admit, though, I am not certain this healing process, the inner healing, is ever complete. On one hand, this frustrates me ... I'd love to someday feel out of the "emotional woods, so to speak. On the other hand, I realize that it is this continual healing, this unending growth, that makes life so interesting and so vital. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">That I can see the big picture this way is a huge sign that much healing has taken place in the last two years. :)</p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-57711779901064968582010-12-23T17:17:00.002-05:002010-12-23T17:32:33.475-05:00Try<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16.8px; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 18 – Try.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I'm going to try to go to graduate school. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I did work toward a master's degree before, in counseling, with an emphasis on college student development. I enjoyed it very much and got down to 2 classes left. At that point, I knew I would exhaust my educational benefits from the Army if I finished that master's degree, and I didn't know for sure counseling was going to be what I wanted to go into 17-25 years after finishing the degree.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">It's 12 years later, and I think I'm on track now toward a comprehensive plan for my future. Last year, I sat for and received my board-certification to be a lactation consultant (IBCLC). I love helping mothers and babies. Even more, I love teaching doctors and nurses and La Leche League Leaders and other IBCLC's how to help mothers and babies, through presentations and articles. Hopefully, I'll write a book or more at some point ... and now, I realize I want to work for changes in policy. I believe I can make a major impact if I find a way to continue being a public servant. I'd like to create and/or evaluate programs that serve and improve life for our nations mothers and children. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I'm studying for the GRE now and I'm stressed out about it! I'm not sure just how much I can afford to get wrong and still have a decent score. And what *is* a decent score? I have a hard time with the not knowing and I think it's ridiculous that I feel like a standardized test could get in the way of my achieving my goals, which are really unselfish goals! I want to help people who can't help themselves! I'm planning to apply to 4 schools of public health. I'm hopeful for tuition breaks and tuition assistance from the Army so I don't break the bank for this degree. I'm hopeful the degree (policy track, though I'd like to stack my electives with epidemiology-track and maternal-child health coursework) is rigorous enough to prepare me for work in any environment, but not so rigorous that I can't balance my job, my family, and the degree. I'd like to try and finish in 3 years or less. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">The prospect of trying is extremely exciting for me, and gives me so much hope for making it through what might otherwise be an unpleasant period of time.</p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-8745076460779122962010-12-23T16:55:00.002-05:002010-12-23T17:16:12.274-05:00Lesson Learned<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16.8px; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 17 – Lesson Learned.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I'm sort of cheating with this one, and in the last few weeks with Reverb10, I've already sort of touched on this. The "cheat" is because I started learning this lesson in 2009. The lesson: it's not my fault. What is "it?" Pretty much ... everything. Hmm. Sounds like I'm not taking responsibility for circumstances in my life, right? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I think, though, I always took too much responsibility for everything in my life. I blamed myself for how other people treated me, wondered if I really was as unloveable as they said or acted like I was. I chased my tail, always trying harder to be better, to be good enough, to be all things to all people.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Those days are over.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Now, it's difficult for me to settle for "good enough" because I'm that sort of person for whom "good enough" really never is. But, there are some circumstances that don't even HAVE a "good enough." Someone asked of me, regarding a particularly contentious situation, "what can you do differently, so that you're good enough?" My answer was a teary-eyed rant. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">"Nothing! There is nothing I can do! I've tried everything I know, I've listened to the advice of others, I've worked so hard at this! There is nothing left for me to do!"</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">"Then stop trying," she replied. "There is nothing you can do to be good enough. You can't win, but it's not because you're not capable. It's because in that game, there is no winning. The game doesn't end."</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">This guidance applied to many areas of my life. There are several situations that are, simply, "no-win" because the people involved, for whatever reason, seem to need the conflict, or they need to keep me "in my place," or ... they're carrying some other baggage.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">They're carrying the baggage. Not me. It's not my fault.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">So, what can I do? Well, for awhile, I cried a lot. The futility of it all was just so frustrating and I felt trapped. Now, though, I'm learning to feel liberated and free because of this knowledge. There are certain circumstances I can change right now, and others I have to just endure. I can try to be compassionate whenever possible, because, well, compassion feels a heck of a lot better than anger and frustration. When I can't be compassionate, I can let it go. I can accept that some games exist only to be played, and, when I am in a position to do so, I can abandon those games that don't serve any higher purpose. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">In the meantime, I can set up my life so that I'm ready to move on to the next step as soon as the opportunity presents itself.</p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-75228911344306689852010-12-22T15:01:00.002-05:002010-12-22T15:09:47.949-05:005 Minutes<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 15 – 5 Minutes.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">OK! This Reverb10 prompt stressed me out a lot, because ... how can I possibly do anything well in 5 minutes, be that remembering, writing, or ... anything? But, here goes -- total brain dump in 5 minutes. No more, no less.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I want to remember about 2010:</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "></p><ul><li>Taking Anna and Simon to NYC to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, out to dinner at Nizza where I had a fabulous GF meal and they were such adorable, polite little angels, and we saw Donny and Marie's Broadway Christmas special! We sat in the front row and got smiles, hellos, and high-fives from both of my childhood idols. Anna and Simon enjoyed the day so much and 2 days later, I'm still buzzing and happy! </li><li>Finding out I have a gluten intolerance/celiac disease has changed my life. I'm so thankful and want to remember the happiness of the discovery, not the sometimes-inconvenient nature of the lifestyle now.</li><li>Summer 2010 was really lovely. </li><li>My first half-marathon since 2001, which I ran with Kelly in the spring. Amazing! I cried and celebrated my health and many blessings.</li><li>The Army 10-Miler was similar to the half-marathon, but better. I ran that race alone in October but spent the weekend with friends from high school. Those friendships are still sustaining.</li><li>Gabriella going potty for the first time on the toilet was amazing! Her explosion of joy was very special. </li><li>Simon singing at his kindergarten class's mother's day presentation -- he was an octave higher than everyone else and so proud of himself, exuberant, and completely invested in his performance for me.</li><li>Seeing Anna take care of Gabriella, being a big sister and fixing Ella's hair, playing dolls with her, and just loving on her made me feel like Anna, despite evidence to the contrary sometimes, really is learning compassion, leadership, and a sense of responsibility.</li></ul><div>5 minutes is over! :(</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><p></p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-82812631157595933712010-12-16T00:46:00.002-05:002010-12-16T00:54:25.509-05:00Appreciate<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 14 – Appreciate</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://victoriaklein.net/writing/27-things-to-know-about-yoga/" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Victoria Klein</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Well, if I have to limit myself to one thing for 2010, I'd have to say ... nah. I can't just appreciate one thing.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I appreciate my motherhood and my children. I can't feel it or express it enough. My babies are growing up every day and being their mamma is the best thing ever.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I appreciate that my job provides me financial comfort. And I appreciate that I've stopped trying to find my self-worth in that job. It's not there, and I'm so thankful to finally *get* that.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Most of all, I have come to appreciate my health in 2010. I've always been rather robust, despite spending the last several years in a fog, wearing a cumbersome, heavy coat of general malaise 24/7/365. Now that I've gone gluten-free, I appreciate what feeling "normal" is. I appreciate a calm tummy, no aches and pains, a clear head, and ... delicious food on my plate. Thanks to blogs like <a href="http://glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com">Gluten-Free Girl</a>, I'm able to focus on the deliciousness of foods I can eat rather than the depravity of missing the ones that make me sick. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Gratitude is a wonderful thing to carry around. </p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-25191755713933958692010-12-16T00:22:00.002-05:002010-12-16T00:41:57.016-05:00Action<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 13 – Action</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://the99percent.com/book" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Scott Belsky</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Oh, I really loved this prompt, because ... I'm all about action.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I feel like knowing which direction I'm moving in, and taking steps in that direction significantly improves my outlook on my current situation. I don't much like my current situation, but I'm finding positive things about it that are making "the next step" that much sweeter.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I'm studying for the GRE, and applying to graduate school. I already completed nearly an entire master's degree in counseling, several years ago ... however, now that my retirement from the military is within sight, I feel like I have found and settled into my calling for the future. I'm going to pursue a Master of Public Health, on a policy track, with, I hope, a lot of electives in epidemiology and a focus on maternal/child health and nutrition. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">When I became a mother 8 years ago, I had so little knowledge or experience. Mothering Anna was both the most joyful and the most complicated thing I had ever done. Why was it so complicated? Many mothers express this same feeling. I sought and found support through La Leche League, and was proud to be accredited as a Leader so that I could support other mothers in their journey. Helping a mother breastfeed her baby brings me so much satisfaction and hope for the future! I felt like it wasn't enough, though ... too many mothers were coming to me with obstacles I couldn't help them remove; they were getting flawed advice from their doctors and healthcare providers. I decided to volunteer for opportunities to research and speak about lactation topics relevant to the healthcare profession. Oh, how I love, love, LOVE to do this, and I'm thankful for every chance I have to write or speak about breastfeeding. Again, though, I see that even the healthcare profession has its hands tied ... by policy.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">A hard look at the policies this country sustains with regard to mothers, babies, and children quickly reveals that the landscape needs to be changed. Paid maternity leaves are rare. Breastfeeding is considered "extra credit" and not the biological norm. Bottles and pacifiers are ubiquitous while mothers from coast to coast feel ashamed to feed their babies in public. Families struggle to make ends meet on one income, and, as one colleague put it, rather than accepting the normal needs of our newborn babies, we as a society are trying to "beat those needs into submission," fighting what God himself has created in this wonderfully interdependent relationship between mother and baby.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I'm giddy with excitement, even as I flounder with the GRE math I'm trying to dust off after years of neglect in the attic of my brain; even as I worry about whether I'll write a good enough statement of purpose or admission essay or, as an IBCLC, be "qualified" for these programs as a bona fide practitioner in the healthcare world. I'm nervous, but optimistic. I'm loving the next step!</p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-75233640291858531852010-12-15T00:41:00.003-05:002010-12-15T01:07:13.279-05:00Body Integration<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTEdYUeOGcBD-wvz7yZa7SbDZHsIvBzwoq4ytYBYGSbjb_ISsXipKA14kUemyg3LRRB9XsWbTzDBEUpivz6KsAdog6ciy1r8w3SFu9FXc5MAu-v1K8XX-PvwrLy2qBljGwjX3A/s1600/DianaandKellyLVHM2010.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTEdYUeOGcBD-wvz7yZa7SbDZHsIvBzwoq4ytYBYGSbjb_ISsXipKA14kUemyg3LRRB9XsWbTzDBEUpivz6KsAdog6ciy1r8w3SFu9FXc5MAu-v1K8XX-PvwrLy2qBljGwjX3A/s320/DianaandKellyLVHM2010.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550786594510751330" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(44, 37, 37); line-height: 21px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;font-size:14px;"><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 12 – Body Integration</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://knowledgeworkerssurvivalguide.com/" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Patrick Reynolds</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Ah, well, this prompt stirs up some not-so-fond memories. First, I hated conducting class when I was in college as a music major. Hated it. I much prefer to express myself through words and am extremely uncomfortable using my body to communicate anything. This made conducting awful for me. I got by because I practiced the mechanics, but I knew I'd never make any music as a conductor. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Second, I was treated for an eating disorder many years ago. I'll never claim to be "cured" but I've definitely reached a point in my life where the volume on the ED's voice is turned way down, into the background. I rarely hear it anymore (have other psychoses drowned it out or am I healthier?). I think the ED was one spectacular way I refused to connect my body with myself.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">This year, I began reading and studying Pope John Paul II's <i>Theology of the Body</i>. To say it changed my entire outlook wouldn't suffice; and I've only just begin to study it all. The main concept is that we, as humans with a physical presence, were created in God's perfect image, and that everything of our bodies is also of God. Self-loathing becomes really tough when I'm forced to accept that my body and the experience of being a physical human is as God created it ... <i>Theology of the Body</i> also gives credibility to urges and hungers our bodies feel. Whether we crave chocolate, sex, a good sweat, or all three, these are God-given urges. Of course, there are expectations for how we are to satisfy or defer our fulfillment of these urges, but they're Godly all the same.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Around the same time I began studying <i>TOB, </i>I resumed distance running after a 9-ish year hiatus, during which I birthed and cared for 3 babies. My first race back was the 2010 version of the last distance race I ran in 2001, the Lehigh Valley Half Marathon. I ran it this year with my friend Kelly from college, and it was terrific fun. Each mile, we talked about someone significant in our lives. I dedicated a mile to each of my children, of course. I cried the entire last mile, and was unbelievably happy and proud of my accomplishment. (I just tried to post a picture of us after the finish ... but I don't know if I pulled it off. We'll see.)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">The body integration thing, though, happened for me in October, when I finally got to run the Army 10-Miler in Washington, D.C. I had wanted to do that race for years, but never could because of the work schedule (how ironic, I know). This year, though, I was able to do it. Despite a "wardrobe malfunction" (always try on your race clothes a few days before you pack them ... that skort that fit great 7 pounds ago might not work so great on race day!), I felt amazing. I ran the first 5 miles way faster than I had planned, focusing the whole way on being thankful. I was thankful for my health that allowed me to train for and run a 10-mile race; thankful for the father of my children who is capable and willing to be with them for 3 days so I could take a much-needed break; thankful for the perfect weather and thankful for the race organizers. I discovered, too, that it's much easier to find gratitude during the first mile than during the 10th ... but it's during that last mile that the gratitude is most necessary. Such is how life is, too. It's easy to feel thankful when you're rolling around in your blessings, but when things get difficult, that's when the need to give thanks is most urgent.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">My feet hurt, my thighs were chafed, the dang skort kept falling down, exposing a fat roll between my shirt and the sunken waistband, but with every step, I gave thanks, and I felt the rare collision of my body and my being. It's an even I hope to learn to duplicate in my day-to-day in 2011.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><br /></p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-71176768431001382752010-12-14T23:44:00.003-05:002010-12-15T00:36:03.261-05:00Things<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(44, 37, 37); line-height: 21px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;font-size:14px;"><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 11 – 11 Things</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1596527560" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Sam Davidson</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Well, wow. This prompt cuts right to the quick of this pack-rat ... I have always struggled with parting with items, and I'm realizing it's because I also have a hard time parting with the emotions, both positive and negative, that I associate with the objects. A good purge feels really, really terrific. but it takes a lot for me to get into one. I need time, solitude (so I can sit and really process the memories as I pitch the items), space (things become a horrid mess once I start), and some motivating factor for the elimination.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">With all that in mind, here goes with my 11 things to eliminate from my life ... this is totally unprepared, so I'm interested to see where I end up!</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">1. Pounds. I'd say 15 ought to do the trick. Why? Because when I was 19 pounds lighter than I am today, I was really freaking hot. Seriously. I have no real reason to be really freaking hot anymore, but 15 pounds brings me under the screening weight my job wants me at, and it also seems to represent a weight at which I am in terrific physical shape. How to do it? I've already gotten the "eat less" part of the equation down. Now it's time to get back to "exercise more." A half marathon to train for on May 1 and the Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred video are both going to get me off to a good start. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">2. Funhouse mirrors. Yeah, let me explain. I've discovered lately that my life lacks good reflections of me. There are so many dysfunctional people and situations that I've somehow got tangled up in and as a result, I've lost who I am. I'm finding myself, though, and I'm discarding the funhouse mirrors, those people and situations in my life that reflect an adulterated, distorted image of who and what I really am. Since I can't really *discard* all of them, I'm going to have to avert my eyes when I walk past them. I'm going to have to resist my insatiable need for feedback and instead try to define myself ... by myself ... and seek those reflections that are more authentic and loving.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">3. Anger and Resentment. I count these as one "thing" because they're Siamese twins in my world. I get angry, then I immediately resent the person or the circumstance that has fueled my ire. I'm quite certain that housing these guys is giving me cancer or some other major health issue, and I know that unloading them will free me from the restrictions they put on my ability to be happy and free. How do I eliminate Anger and Resentment? Realistically, I know I can't completely cut them loose. I also know that they sometimes serve an important purpose ... but in 2011, I'm going to make a real attempt to crowd them out of Dianaville by hosting Forgiveness and Compassion a little more often. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">4. 2 years' worth of <i>Shape</i> and <i>Self</i> magazines. Want 'em? Let me know. I started getting them for free 2 years ago and I've enjoyed them, but I feel wrong throwing them away and really don't want to keep them anymore. While I'm at it, I'm also ready to part with about 2 years' of <i>Psychology Today.</i></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">5. OK, here's where the tears start. Baby clothes. I've already started giving away the baby stuff, one gigantic load to my friend Carey a little over a year ago and pretty much everything else to my friends Chris and Nicole, who are awaiting the near-simultaneous arrival of their Chinese toddler and their biological newborn this spring. Giving away the baby stuff means admitting there will be no more babies, and this destroys me. Chris and Nicole are awaiting two girls, so they're receiving all of the girl clothes both of my daughters have outgrown. I cry every season when I'm putting away their clothes and getting out the next batch ... </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">6. Clothes that don't fit. I've already made great progress with this purge, because now that I'm a big-girl with a big-girl paycheck, I can afford new things when I need them. My hang-up is that I feel like I could sell lots of this stuff on eBay. Why don't I? I don't make the time. I even have a stupid dress-form/mannequin for showing/photographing the clothes for listing. Maybe I should get rid of that, too?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">7. Bras and nursing bras get a category separate from clothes, because ... well, there are a lot of them, and they take up a ton of space. They're in great shape and were quite expensive, though (I'm not an "average" size, ahem) ... anyone know of a women's shelter or other place of service that might appreciate the donation of a whole lot of nursing bras and bras that will never, ever fit me again? Pregnancy crisis center, maybe?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">8. Profanity. Ah, yes, I give this up pretty much every Lenten season and yet, I swear in front of my children and hardly realize it's coming out of my mouth. I'm ashamed, because I'm teaching my kids that they deserve to be perceived and treated like the intelligent, decent people they are, and that profanity cheapens them. Shouldn't this apply to me, too? </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">9. It might be time for me to eliminate my obsessive need to get rid of debt. Now, before you start going all Suze Orman on me, let me proudly declare that our only consumer debt is my new car, which I am making double payments on and will own free and clear in about 27 months. We have a mortgage. We also have some retirement savings and some college savings. Zero credit card debt ... but I'm like a crazy person trying to make double and triple payments on the mortgage, pad the "emergency fund" (but, really, as two active duty military members, we're not likely to be suddenly laid off or otherwise unemployed without a warning), and pinch every penny. I'm not sure it's the healthiest way to live.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">10. The rice steamer. I think I've used it exactly twice in the 12 years I've owned it. Time to pitch it ... but I feel bad! Does anyone want it? </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">11. I would love to eliminate Self-Doubt. I have a lot of it, and it serves me no purpose. Or does it? Is there a cookie? This is one I need to ponder a bit more. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">The Big Dianaville Purge begins on December 21st, when I'm finally no longer obligated to anyone for anything. </p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-16973534376873635162010-12-13T23:52:00.002-05:002010-12-14T00:28:50.170-05:00Wisdom<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 10 – Wisdom</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://www.susannahconway.com/2010/05/a-very-special-announcement/" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Susannah Conway</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Oh, this one is super, super easy.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I went gluten-free on September 1st. To say my life has changed would be the understatement of the year. I'm never looking back, not ever. Sure, I'm tempted sometimes by the last few bites of "pizza bones" on my kids' plates, which I always used to eat. I'm a little sad at gatherings when the hostess brings out the plate of homemade cookies and, like a leper, I sit there and don't take any. And gluten-free bread is disgusting. Not even worth the attempt, I've learned. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I had been suffering from multiple vague (and sometimes not-so-vague) physical symptoms for years -- I'd say things got really bad during my second pregnancy, in 2004. That pregnancy was incredibly stressful for a variety of reasons, and other than bearing an amazing little boy who lights up my life every day, it really wrecked me. During that pregnancy, I developed a rash. It was like islands of tiny blisters in various places on my body. I had no idea what caused it, and was told first that it was a common condition of pregnancy (this by a very prominent and talented dermatologist). My midwife disagreed but suggested it might go away after my son was born. It didn't. It got worse, at times covering 2/3 of my body, then waning, then taking over my skin again. I was prescribed potent steroid ointment to alleviate the itching so that I could sleep at night.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Sleep. Oh, how sleep eluded me. With a newborn and a toddler (my first two babies are less than 22 months apart), both nursing, plus a full-time job I had to return to at 12 weeks postpartum, plus no family or real support network nearby, I was exhausted. Is there another word for exhausted? Cooked. Done. Nothing left. And, I was in pain, constant pain. Some suggested I had postpartum depression. I was certain I did not, since I felt incredible joy when I was with my children, even through the debilitating exhaustion. My doctor visits, tests, and dead-ends started in mid-2005, and they included:</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "></p><ul><li>bloodwork (found serum ferritin to be dramatically low so began liquid iron supplements)</li><li>thyroid, checked probably 7 times in 5 years. Normal. </li><li>My blood pressure at one visit was 70/45. Was told to add salt to my food and drink licorice tea.</li><li>Tests for Addison's disease, which came back "subclinical" but still within normal limits.</li><li>a colonoscopy, because of severe rectal bleeding</li><li>a colposcopy, even though I'm HPV-negative, because a Pap came back "abnormal"</li><li>several checks of blood sugar and pancreatic function ... pre-diabetes at one point when fasting sugars were between 100-120</li><li>nutritional evaluation because my weight, after my 3rd baby was born, refused to come off despite smart eating and lots of exercise</li><li>repeated biopsies of this unbearable rash: looking for fungus, cancer -- both negative</li><li>tests for rheumatoid factors and other markers for rheumatoid arthritis</li><li>questions about whether I might have contracted an STD (which I understand is smart from a public health perspective ... but anyone who knows me sees how incredibly ridiculous this tree is and doesn't bother to bark up it ... alas, the tests were run and of course, negative)</li><li>stool samples (always a good time)</li><li>tests for kidney function, which came back "mostly normal" but no doctor would attribute the variations to anything other than dehydration or other commonplace variable</li><li>bone scan, to rule out osteoporosis</li><li>x-rays of my pelvis and lower back, because standing and marching hurt like crazy, as did sleeping</li></ul><div>I had been treated for the skin condition, which they considered "autoimmune" and told me to expect it to last 18 months to 5 years. When it raged through my 3rd pregnancy, the "autoimmune" theory was shot full of holes, because most autoimmune things go into remission during pregnancy. This got worse. I was also treated for systemic fungus and or yeast, neither of which I actually had.</div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, in late 2009 and early 2010, I had a doctor who promised "I won't rest until you're feeling better." Sure, he initially recommended <i>Time Management for Dummies</i> at an early appointment, but I didn't get angry at him. He suggested that I had an exhausting life. He wasn't wrong, but I knew my body wasn't just tired.</div><div><br /></div><div>He arranged for me to spend 3 weeks at home, unbound by the band's crazy schedule, so I could sleep. I slept solidly, 9-10 hours a night for 22 nights. I still felt like I had been hit by a truck. Some mornings, I wondered if I actually felt worse for having slept so much. He also listened to my pleas and ordered a vitamin D panel. Finally, something came back with a result to fix: I was decidedly deficient in vitamin D. Perhaps this would explain a lot of the vague problems I was experiencing? I began mega-dose supplements. My level rose, and I began to feel slightly better. I thought we had cracked it, but then, a plateau. A big one, that wouldn't budge. My doctor, who was leaving for a new duty station, referred me to an endocrinologist. She ran a lot of tests, to include a 24-hour urine cortisol test that required me to collect and refrigerate all of my ""voids" for a 24-hour period, then bring the big jug of "void" to the lab for turn-in. (Came back within normal limits but sure was memorable.) She asked whether I had ever been evaluated for celiac disease.</div><div><br /></div><div>Within hours of returning home from that initial visit with the endocrinologist, I had scoured the internet and realized that, at the very least, I had a gluten intolerance. An endoscopic biopsy of my small intestine would be necessary to conclusively diagnose celiac disease, but I decided to skip that and remove gluten from my diet on my own. </div><div><br /></div><div>I had a searing headache for nearly a week.</div><div><br /></div><div>I lost 6 stubborn pounds in 10 days. My fitness test score jumped by nearly 40 points, which is huge for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>My body stopped hurting, except for my right lower back and hip, which still hurt a lot.</div><div><br /></div><div>I no longer have ANY gas (no, really, I just don't have gas anymore, and before, I had A LOT!!), bloating has gone way down, and GI issues after meals have completely stopped. No more wondering before a meal whether something bad is going to happen later. Now I can eat with confidence, most of the time. (Eating out is hard.)</div><div><br /></div><div>My vitamin D levels are rising. I'm sleeping so much better. My mind is clear, no more of the debilitating exhaustion, confusion, and brain fog. It's gone. Sure, I still get tired, but I think I get "normal person tired" and I can recover from a busy week with a few good nights of sleep. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm happier. Is there a price on that?</div><div><br /></div><div>I've been advised that a conclusive diagnosis is probably a good idea before I leave the Army. That would mean going back on gluten for a month before the endoscopy. The thought makes me want to cry, so, for now, I'm going to not think about it. Instead, I'm going to revel in the best thing I've ever done for myself: going gluten-free. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><p></p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-52504857529677201292010-12-13T23:17:00.002-05:002010-12-13T23:39:17.551-05:00Party<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 9 – Party</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-Adventures-Dietgirl-Shauna-Reid/dp/0061657700" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Shauna Reid</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Hahaha, when I read this Reverb10 prompt, I had to laugh because I felt like it spoke to a demographic other than my own ... which made me wonder if I'm really the target audience for THIS party? And so began the ruminating, the self-doubting, the back-and-forth in my mind about where I fit in. Whether I fit in. Why it matters, if other people feel this way as often as I do, how this happened to me.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Let's start with the "party" thing. This year, I was invited to a few parties. I think some of this is because of Facebook, and since I am Facebook friends with a lot of my co-workers, when they post a party or gathering, I end up "invited" sort of, I suspect, by accident. I initially feel delighted and excited, because I actually really like most of the people I'm Facebook friends with from work ... then I start wondering whether they really want me there. Pathetic, I know. But, a few times this year, we (my husband and I) did go, and we brought our children, who love an excuse to eat junk food and run around and play in someone else's yard, or to watch a movie someone else brought for his or her kids. I'd have to say the experiences were pleasant, affirming (it didn't appear anyone was whispering behind my back that they hoped I'd leave soon or that they wished I hadn't shown up), but not exactly "knocking my socks off."</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Then there's holidays. I desperately want to afford my children the rhythm of a "normal" year, even though our family life is anything but normal, what with Daddy playing trumpet gigs all weekend on Easter; both of us working on 4th of July, Memorial Day, and Labor Day; the only time we're allowed to travel is in mid-July and at Christmastime, and we feel obligated to visit our parents, therefore can't really GO anywhere interesting or fun like other families do. We don't get most weekends off, either. It feels really disjointed and I'm frustrated by it. There are other families that have a similar situation to ours, families in our workplace, but until this year, we felt largely isolated by those other families. We've reached out, opened our home to them on Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we haven't settled into a "tradition" with anyone ... until this year. Lois, a longtime friend (she used to be in the band, but after birthing two, yes, two sets of twins, made the near-impossible but oh-so-lucid decision to leave her position, and her husband remains a member of the band -- smart smart smart!!!) saw my sad outcry that Thanksgiving doesn't feel good to us at all when we have no one to celebrate it with. She immediately (really, within minutes) invited my family to join hers in a Thanksgiving meal ... on Friday. Her daughters are teenagers now, and they spend Thanksgiving Day with their father upstate. Lois didn't feel like it was really Thanksgiving without her daughters, so decided to have Thanksgiving on Friday.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">The whole thing was genius. Her husband's father and stepmom, both affable people, were there for the festivities, as were my three children and her two sets of twins. The children got along swimmingly, and we adults enjoyed the relaxed company of one another until way past the kids' bedtimes. Lois and her husband put out a plentiful appetizer spread, made two turkeys (one stuffed, one gluten-free), twice-baked potatoes, a rice dish we forgot to put out (isn't there always something you forget to put out on Thanksgiving?), salad, and more ... we brought several side dishes, all gluten-free (much to the delighted surprise of visiting dad and stepmom!), and Bryan made 3 amazing pies (the man can make a dessert, let me tell you). </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">My socks stayed on, but I felt welcome, warm, and part of something reciprocal and positive. And, for sure, I was incredibly thankful.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><br /></p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-83809579344751467562010-12-09T01:06:00.003-05:002010-12-09T01:27:25.881-05:00Beautifully Different<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 8 – Beautifully Different.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1933979968/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d1_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-3&pf_rd_r=192DE1Q3F1SW985Y4T0R&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938811&pf_rd_i=507846" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Karen Walrond</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I've struggled all day with this one. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">See, I don't really consider myself beautiful. Oh, I've been told that I have a great smile, there are people who think my impossibly dark and curly hair is gorgeous. Some say I have a "put together" style of dressing, which is a positive thing, I suppose. But, as I learned in the last 18 or so months, I've had a serious dearth of "mirrors" throughout my life. I've lacked those solid, reliable people in my life that can accurately reflect ME back to ME. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">That's not to say I have no one ... to the contrary, I have many, many amazing friends in my world. Well let me back up a second. My life is full of people. Full. If I tried to count my interactions each day, I'm sure my brain would explode by 10 a.m. (and I don't like to get up before 8:30). But, I've noticed throughout my life that, somehow, people either ADORE me or they ABHOR me. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground with me. Therefore, I have very few "acquaintances" because the people on the "she's all right" side of the fence actually seem to think "she's awesome!" and we become friends. Conversely, there are a lot of people over there on the "what a bitch" side of the fence. And, try as I might to fight this, they take my power. They stick me in a corner with a dunce cap on my head and for awhile, I sit there.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">For awhile.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Then I start getting restless because, well, that's one of the things that's different about me. I am incredibly passionate about things and when there's a fire lit under me (and there always is), I can't sit still. I have to move toward the passion. Another thing that's different about me is that I'm honest. Some might call it "boundary issues" but I'm that woman who's not afraid to put the pink elephant on the table and tell everyone in the room to get their heads out of their asses and come LOOK AT THIS THING. The people who love me think this is pretty cool, that I challenge them as I'm challenging myself to be better every day in some way. The other people, though ... well, they can't accept that there's an elephant in the room in the first place, and they sure as heck don't want to put it on the table or talk about it. And the fact that I've made them stop, look, and FEEL something just makes them really, really mad. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What do I do that "lights people up?" Again, I'll say that I've spent a lot of time in my life without a good mirror. The people closest to me, who theoretically are supposed to light up when I do something beautiful, have characteristically been missing the light bulb. I'm learning that this isn't my fault, and it's very liberating, really. I do think that when I follow my passions, when I throw myself into the acts of service that I really, truly believe in, people appreciate the role I've played in their lives, and I suppose that endears me to them. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I believe that daily demonstrations of love/compassion/patience/generosity/grace, not just love for family or for friends, but love for everyone with whom I come in contact as I go through life, are at the root of my beauty. Perhaps I will someday have a good, reliable mirror close by and eventually, I will learn to trust the beauty it reflects back to me. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><br /></p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-54529995368125387502010-12-08T16:26:00.002-05:002010-12-08T16:47:33.712-05:00Community<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 7 – Community.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://caligater.com/" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Cali Harris</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I've been desperately searching for community in some ways; in other ways, I'm overwhelmed by the generosity with which I am both welcomed and received for the gifts I bring. On the surface, I feel very alone. My parents moved away when my first baby was 2 months old. I had taken this job nearly 8 years prior because it would afford me the opportunity to be close to them as they aged. The news of their plans to move to South Carolina, a 14-hour drive away, devastated me. I have not yet been able to forgive my father for taking my mother away from me just as I was becoming a mother myself. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">So, isolated from family (my husband's family is half a country away, in Iowa ... not always a bad thing) and not sure where I fit (I wasn't like the "working moms" I knew but I didn't feel accepted by the stay-at-home moms, either), I began to feel very alone. I found my community in La Leche League, with difficulty at first, but as I followed my heart in my mothering and gained support for the choices I found myself swept into by the immense love I felt for my daughter, I knew I was "one of them." </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I was among the first accredited Leaders to be employed outside the home; throughout my application process, I clearly articulated my understanding and embracement of the philosophy that "a baby has an intense need for his mother which is as basic as his need for food," and therefore was welcomed by the organization (but not, at first, by all of its members!) to support other mothers in their quest to mother through breastfeeding. I continue to enjoy helping mothers nurture and enjoy their babies as they were created to do. I know that this community -- La Leche League and the wider community of International Board-Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLCs) I have become a part of -- provides an outlet for my calling.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">In considering my desire for community in 2011, I realize two important things: one, that breastfeeding and mothering through breastfeeding is the biological norm for a mother and her baby, created by God. To me, this understanding has put to rest any feelings of doubt that have been shoved down my throat by the society of which I am part ... my need to mother my children and to be present for them, at any cost, is something I am no longer afraid to honor, because this is how God intended for it to be. I would like to find and connect with my Catholicism through the community of other Catholics, so that I may learn from them and teach them as I have learned to do in La Leche League. The second realization I've made is that our society makes it difficult, if not impossible, for mothers to connect with this instinctual need to BE mothers. Pacifiers, the "freedom" of bottle-feeding, forcing mothers to return to unfriendly workplaces, the resistance to breastfeeding in public are all parts of this whole that create a disconnect. Until this undercurrent of policy and cultural norms is altered, the obstacles will stand. I will begin, in 2011, down a path toward a master's degree in public health, so that I may use my skills and passion to help enact those changes. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">It takes a village to raise a child. No mother should have to feel alone. </p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-82497051038695554292010-12-06T22:21:00.002-05:002010-12-06T23:17:49.264-05:00Make<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX3zlbPQNRbZxzwJXpIKrSTM7Bqsw9Bqolk1TBithrPy77jg1bOcQLCvw7OI1dea8h6jr2PvheJXjQ2a2_mE7194o4fYNqwSIxV1huwET4u5PHM04nnrnzJ7GghnvW7GVxtIJx/s1600/72597_10150269859625644_604845643_15313341_2075887_n.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX3zlbPQNRbZxzwJXpIKrSTM7Bqsw9Bqolk1TBithrPy77jg1bOcQLCvw7OI1dea8h6jr2PvheJXjQ2a2_mE7194o4fYNqwSIxV1huwET4u5PHM04nnrnzJ7GghnvW7GVxtIJx/s320/72597_10150269859625644_604845643_15313341_2075887_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547789720925863890" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(44, 37, 37); line-height: 21px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;font-size:14px;"><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 6 – Make.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Project-Morning-Aristotle-Generally/dp/0061583251" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Gretchen Rubin</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Today, Anna, age 8, was home sick from school. She's had a fever over 102 since for about 36 hours now. It's stressful, because at my workplace, there is no tolerance for parents with sick kids. For most people, it's not an issue, because their spouses are either at home or in more flexible jobs. But for us, it's a nightmare because one of us has to stay home and we're supposed to "let" the "leadership" (ahem) choose which of us is "expendable" that day. Suffice it to say I haven't left the house since Thursday of last week, between everyone else being sick and my husband clearly being the more important of the two of us. Clearly.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Anyway, Anna was home, and she said to me, "Mamma, you're a very soupy person." I laughed, but I knew what she meant. I love making soup. In fact, I think there is very little that brings me as much joy in my life as preparing a soup for my family. Sometimes I follow a recipe, but more often, I'm just trying to incorporate as many vegetables from our CSA share as I possibly can. Sometimes, if we have beef from the mixed quarter (a quarter cow) we get locally each year, I'll add that. I rarely add chicken, just because raw chicken from the store grosses me out. As it should.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I always start with the big, blue Le Creuset Dutch oven I got on clearance several years ago. I put it on the stove and turn the heat on medium-high, and add the olive oil. I finish chopping the onions and garlic and add them to the pot. As they start to cook, I'm finishing peeling and chopping the firm vegetables ... carrots, bok choy stems, celery, usually. I throw those in there and let them start to hiss with the onions and garlic. This makes the whole downstairs smell heavenly. Next, I add the broth, usually chicken from a gluten-free broth concentrate I found and really like. Or, if I'm using beef, I'll add that and let it brown with the vegetables. I add water, too. It gets interesting after this. In the summer, I might add zucchini and tomatoes; in fall and winter, I'm more likely to add potatoes, maybe a can of beans. Frozen corn is popular in our house, so I try ti incorporate that when I can. If I'm looking for some color, I'll use canned, diced tomatoes and their juice (usually goes well in a beef-based soup). </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What makes these soups amazing, to me, at least, is the addition of greens. Something leafy and green, maybe cabbage (which I know isn't considered a "green" but I love it anyway), bok choy, mustard greens, kale ... I know this is something most families don't consume regularly, and I'm proud that my children eat leafy greens without protesting. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Lots of salt and pepper go into each of my soups. Sometimes, in the summer, I have fresh herbs to chop; in other seasons, I try to decide whether I need to add a seasoning. Most often, the answer is no, and I encourage my husband to add crushed red pepper flakes or some strong pecorino romano to his dish. I like shredded asiago, cheddar, swiss, or even a slice of provolone lazily laid over my steaming bowl of soup. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I might add canned beans, or make pasta or rice (on the side, I never add these things to my soups because they drink up all the liquid ... besides, now that I'm off gluten, pasta is always made on the side!) to stretch the soup a bit. Sometimes, I take a picture, because it's just that beautiful. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><br /></p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-41354594022624117912010-12-06T20:48:00.002-05:002010-12-06T22:17:41.968-05:00Let Go<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 5 – Let Go.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio/62-9780312648121-0" target="_blank" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Alice Bradley</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">This is a tough one to commit to paper (screen). </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Several years ago, I decided to "let go" of my identity as a musician. I had defined myself as a clarinet player since I was an adolescent; so much of who I became was a direct result of my experiences as a musician. But, in 2006, I realized my job, which is as a member of a band, had become about much more than being a clarinet player, and the combined demands of the "extra duties" (which are really more time-consuming than the clarinet playing) and motherhood had become more than I could realistically handle. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I gave what was to be my last solo recital, and resigned myself to being <i>someone who plays the clarinet</i>, but not <i>a clarinet player</i>. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I let go of the identity, but I didn't let go of the career, which would have been just fine, except for the fact that the extra duties were still more than I could realistically handle in consideration of motherhood and self-care.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Ah, yes. Self-care. That was the magic ingredient that had been lost for so long! Sleep, food, exercise. I'm easy like that. Sure, I'd love a shopping trip, a spa visit, mani-pedis all the time ... but really, all I NEED is sleep, good food, and exercise (and daily vitamin D supplements). When everything fell apart for me health-wise in 2009, I knew it was time to make a major change. I quit my second job, which then resulted in not being able to have an au pair anymore when our contract was finished. So Gabriella got signed up for pre-school and I started the juggling act of not having live-in, full-time childcare.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I drop a lot of balls.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">But I'm letting go. I'm letting go of the need to please all of the people all of the time. I'm not perfect, so I'm not going to try to look perfect. I'm letting go of the need to be accepted and praised at work. It's not gonna happen. I don't take this personally; rather, I realize, through very rewarding work I'm doing toward my next career, that I am incredibly valuable, but my workplace has consciously chosen to condemn me to a corner. Frankly, it's their loss, not mine. And I'm letting go of the anger I've been feeling since I realized they stuck me in this corner. </p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">It might appear, to some, that I'm giving up ... but I'm letting go.</p></span>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-25191022947341413312010-12-04T22:54:00.003-05:002010-12-05T01:10:39.967-05:00Wonder<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEishJnQ2p4J7TE0FPdGd5EHzucQK3geWKqG7he-m8tZTEZqOS6kXOK6bT_hH7zMMxkXdyb7Rh1UpgsGSpZ9LD6GPV6iZxPBHyYt-Zun5Z9rOVdDCgN-ePd7smj6chkEcxd2uL9U/s1600/EllaNursingFall2010.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEishJnQ2p4J7TE0FPdGd5EHzucQK3geWKqG7he-m8tZTEZqOS6kXOK6bT_hH7zMMxkXdyb7Rh1UpgsGSpZ9LD6GPV6iZxPBHyYt-Zun5Z9rOVdDCgN-ePd7smj6chkEcxd2uL9U/s400/EllaNursingFall2010.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547072133478155666" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(44, 37, 37); line-height: 21px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;color:#2C2525;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;color:#2C2525;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That's my Choopie girl in the picture. She was nursing to sleep. She'll be three tomorrow (well, really today since it's past midnight). I have three children, and she's the youngest. She is, unquestionably, a child of light. She's happy, carefree, loving, and easygoing. She's affectionate, smart, and fun to be with, even when she's struggling because she's tired or hungry or wants to push the shopping cart and mamma won't let her. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;color:#2C2525;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;color:#2C2525;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Mothering her, as well as my other two babies (now 8 and 6! Still babies? Indeed!) cultivates my sense of wonder. I hug them and remember when they were first born. I smell them and wonder how come my babies have such a sweet scent, but other people's children don't? I hold them close and marvel at the miracle each one is, knowing that my body was but the vehicle for their creation. I didn't make skin cells, I didn't program an endocrine system, I didn't craft hair follicles to make spiral ringlets, and I didn't put tiny nails on fingers and toes. All I can do is support what God has created by giving them what they need: love, touch, wholesome food, a warm bed. I can also invest in their formation, and respect my role in helping each one to become a positive, loving contributor to society.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;color:#2C2525;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;color:#2C2525;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The real sense of wonder comes when I consider how much I love my children, how there is nothing I won't do for them and how it would be impossible for them to lose my love. I am awestruck not only because, before they arrived, I knew nothing of such love, but because now, I understand: this is how God loves me. He loves all of his children as I love mine, only on an unfathomable, infinite scale. I gaze upon my beautiful children and my faith is strengthened. My sense of wonder grows every day.<br /></span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(44, 37, 37); line-height: 21px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif;font-size:14px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:130%;color:#001320;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 21px;font-size:14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#2C2525;"><br /></span></span></span></div></div>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-26926024795863619232010-12-03T21:38:00.002-05:002010-12-03T23:40:19.848-05:00A Moment of Feeling AliveToday's Reverb10 prompt:<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 3 – Moment.</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">(Author: <a href="http://aliedwards.com/" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); text-decoration: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Ali Edwards</a>)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Hmm. This one is tough, because it's hard to choose just one moment in a year that has been very full of life for me. I'm going to cheat a little bit and describe a weekend that was a real turning point for my life. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It was the weekend before Halloween, the weather was sunny, breezy, and mild; perfect for driving down to Washington, D.C. to run the Army 10-Miler, an annual race I had been itching to run for over 12 years. This year was my first chance because our work schedule permitted the absence and my children are now all old enough for me to A) train for a race and B) spend some time away from home without them. In addition to the race, which was on Sunday, I was looking forward to a mini-reunion with a few close friends from high school, most of whom I hadn't seen in years. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I enjoyed the solitude on Saturday, driving down, getting my race packet, a solo hotel stay. Sunday morning was such a high, I finished the race within my goal and enjoyed every step, even the ones that hurt! After resting a bit and getting some Chipotle for lunch, I headed over to my friend Cheri's apartment, where I was to stay Sunday night.</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Cheri was one of my closest friends in high school, and we've stayed in touch over the years (even pre-Facebook but that sure has made things easier in recent years!). Cheri, with her Ph.D, is serving this year as a Congressional Fellow. We sat on her couch and talked about so many things, including how our lives brought us to where we are today and in what directions we were headed.</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I picked her brain about her job and her path. There were many similarities between us; she started out doing one-to-one help with at-risk adolescent girls, then educating others in adolescent mental health, then evaluating and designing programs that served this population, and finally making her way to Washington so that she could work to bring about policy support for the needs of those she has spent her adult life helping. Similarly, I have been helping mothers and babies breastfeed; I've begun writing and speaking to parents, helpers, and healthcare providers about breastfeeding and lactation, and now I find myself with the desire to make global changes so that it's not so difficult for mothers to honor their creation and their babies in the way they choose. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Talking with Cheri, walking with her to dinner with other friends from high school, accompanying her to work on Monday and seeing the inner workings of our nation's policy process left me buzzing with optimism ... a very, very rare sensation for me in these days of feeling defeated in my career and grounded by responsibilities. I remembered when I visited D.C. earlier in the summer, and couldn't really put a finger on what I was feeling, couldn't really identify the pull I experience when I am there. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I love the architecture, the layout of the streets, the transparent mysteries that occur within the walls of the historic buildings on every corner ... I love the energy there, which is not quite as harried as New York but definitely purposeful. I belong in Washington, D.C., and after my time with Cheri, I believe I belong on Capitol Hill, delivering relevant research results to lawmakers, educating them about what our nation's maternal/child health and nutrition needs really are, so that we, as a society, as a generation, can leave a legacy of healthier norms for our children and our grandchildren to build upon. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">On my drive home, I made the decision to investigate, in earnest, graduate programs in public health. I learned from Cheri that a background in policy would be best, and knew where to begin my search. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/1.5em 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Everything from that point on seemed to make more sense. My job suddenly feels more purposeful; I need to finish out positive years as a member of the military and as an artist in order to really fulfill that point on my resume (a 20-year veteran who was also a musician, with a specialty in maternal/child public health might be just the diversity a lawmaker is looking for on his staff!). My mothering is energized. I feel like I'm moving, albeit slowly, in a direction. The right direction. </span></p></span></div>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-65619862558834743432010-12-03T01:42:00.002-05:002010-12-03T02:04:25.614-05:00Second Prompt ... Writing<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Today's prompt, ironically, came on a day when I actually took some time at my favorite coffee place and wrote. Of course, it is also the day I go to my weekly memoir workshop, which is seriously the one thing I think I've ever done in my life that has been totally motivated by only the desire to have fun. And I love it.</span><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><strong style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">December 2</strong> <em style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">- Writing</em>.<br />What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?<br />(Author: Leo Babauta)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, sans-serif; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Today, tonight, really (since I got home from my class after 10), cupcakes didn't contribute to my writing. Sort of. Gabriella is going to be 3 on Sunday, and we're bringing in cupcakes for her to celebrate her birthday with her preschool class tomorrow. She's been talking about the cupcakes all week. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">This morning, my husband felt cruddy, and I sent him to the doctor instead of to work. There, he was given 48 hours "quarters" (which, in the Army, means he was supposed to go home and rest for 2 days), but he requested instead to only have to stay home for 24 hours, since that's how we roll as musicians ... we hate to miss rehearsals and jobs. It's totally true. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">So, he came home and rested. And I ran errands and wrote, then we picked up our kids from their after school activities and got them going on homework. At that point, I offered to stay home from writing class. He insisted I go, because the kids would all be in bed in an hour and a half, and he knew I'd hate to miss class. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">He had agreed earlier to make the cupcakes for Gabriella's class. At 11:30, when I thought I had everything staged for the morning, I realized the cupcakes weren't here. And we had no frosting. I went out to the grocery store, in my pajamas, and bought a boxed cake mix (a first for my kids) and some frosting. (I also stocked up on foodstuffs for next Saturday's long, long job in Philadelphia, so that eliminated one errand for the morning.) I came home and made the cupcakes, and the truth is I did it with great joy. Gabriella is going to feel so special at school tomorrow, and if staying up all night is the way to create that for my youngest child, I'll do it!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">But cupcakes aren't what keep me from writing, really. And here's where it gets complicated. On one hand, life is what "doesn't contribute" to my writing ... but, without life, what is there to write about? And, without writing, my life is kind of drab. I am so much more aware of everything when I'm actively writing a few times a week. If I stop, it's like the super-sensors shut down, and I'm ambling aimlessly, not really experiencing anything -- for better or for worse. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">On the other hand, and this is hard to say out loud: writing is something I do for me, and for me alone. I like to run, as well, but I have to do that for my job, so there's some extrinsic motivation in that, even though I enjoy it. But writing serves no one, it satisfies nothing. Oh, sure, being able to articulate my thoughts on paper is a wonderful transferrable skill I'm using now and will continue to use later in life, but I'm not going to make money writing memoir. I do it for the sheer joy. But it's selfish. When my family is stretched to the limit (and with both of us working this crazy job and 3 little kids having so many needs, when aren't we stretched to the limit?), writing is the very first thing to go. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(44, 37, 37); font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Can I eliminate "it?" I think that depends. I could make more time for writing by giving up time I spend doing other things. Instead, I'm accepting that today, I made cupcakes for my almost-3 year old little girl. Before I know it, there won't be any little girl left to make cupcakes for. My guess is I'll have plenty of time to write then. </span></span></div>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-21610891827101402162010-12-02T09:25:00.001-05:002010-12-02T09:27:14.179-05:00Diagnosis ... and Healing<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Well, today is December 1st, and it is not lost on me that the day I'm starting </span></span><a href="http://www.reverb10.com/"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(0, 6, 238); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">reverb10</span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> is also the 8th anniversary of the day I became a mother to my beautiful Anna. She taught me how to be a mother, and I'm so thankful she refused to accept anything but the very best I had to offer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So, if you haven't clicked around yet to learn, </span></span><a href="http://www.reverb10.com/"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(0, 6, 238); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">reverb10</span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> is a month of prompts designed to get us writing, reflecting on the year that has passed and preparing in a positive way for the year to come. Since it encompasses those things I either want to do more of (writing, reflecting, goal-setting, being positive) or ought to do more of (acknowledging, letting go, moving on), I decided to give it a go, even though there's a Twitter component I don't feel like I have the hang of yet ...<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Anyway, today's prompt:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">December 1</span></span></b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">One Word</span></span></i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">(Author: Gwen Bell)</span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I played around today with a few words. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Redirection, regrouping, reconstruction,</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> (I've been likening my life lately to a house of cards, so elaborately and carefully constructed but flattened into a meaningless pile by a mere sneeze or loud noise from the other room), </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">rebound</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> ... all of these spoke to the fact that 2010 has been, er, messy, but also that things seem to be turning around, or moving in a more positive direction. I thought about the major events, the news I'd put in a "Christmas letter" if I were the sort of person to send such things (I'm not, though I do enjoy receiving them from people who are), if my boundary issues were socially acceptable (they're not, which is why I'm not a Christmas letter sort of person ... why put up the facade that all is well when really, things are freaking hard and I get to the end of every day filled with both relief that it's over and dread that it's going to start up again in a few hours?).</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My word for 2010 is </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">diagnosis.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Merriam-Webster states my Word of the Year as follows:</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">3. a: investigation or analysis of the cause or nature of a condition, situation, or problem</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> b: a statement or conclusion from such an analysis</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Diagnosis </span></span></i><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> speaks to my 2010 on many levels. There is the literal one, the moment in late August when, after years of suffering from debilitating fatigue, rashes that made my body feel like it was on fire, digestive ups, downs, twists, and turns that left me feeling like a competition yo-yo, arthritic aches and pains, and other mysterious afflictions that came and went with no explanation ... a </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">diagnosis: </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">gluten intolerance, perhaps celiac disease. Frankly, I didn't (and still don't) care whether an endoscopic biopsy of my small intestine would reveal damaged villi, it doesn't matter to me that I haven't been tested for the celiac gene. On September 1, I began following a gluten-free diet, and the change in my life has been monumental. My skin is no longer angry, my sleep is sound and refreshing, and I feel, I believe, as a 37-year old mother of three in better-than-average physical condition should feel. In addition to the dietary change, I'm correcting a long-standing vitamin D deficiency, which undoubtedly deserves some credit for my being more vibrant than I've felt in years. Years!</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In 2010, there were other conditions, situations, and problems that were cause for investigation or analysis. There was a crisis of my Catholic faith this spring when my daughter received the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Communion for the first time, and I could either choose to blindly go through the motions of supporting her or put my heart and soul back into Catholicism. I chose the latter, and began voraciously reading the significant papal writings of the last half-century, amazed by their applicability today in my life and for society at large. A situation that continues to require investigation and analysis is that of my 15-year old career as a professional clarinet player in the military; I have diagnosed a loss of purpose, value, and direction in my daily work, which results in feelings of futility and worthlessness. I began to understand the deep regrets I feel about my mothering, as my youngest child began pre-school this fall, I became consumed by the sadness that her baby days are not only over, but I believe I missed most of them -- not only hers, but my older two children's, as well. The discovery of this cancer in my life, the feeling that my motherhood has been less than my children deserve because of my career and that my career has been less than it might have been had I stayed childless opened the door to countless other nagging symptoms that have plagued me for years, and prompted me to stop, look, listen, and breathe. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I began to write this year, because I felt like I was missing life. Writing classes became a soothing balm over my wounded heart and I found myself more aware of my surroundings and my reactions to them. I wrote about the past, so that I could perhaps unlock some more mysteries of the present. It worked. I felt the pain and let myself bleed. I stopped using band-aids and analgesics. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I'm beginning to understand things that before were too difficult to face. And so, I look toward 2011, and the word I've chosen is </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">healing:</span></i></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">2. growing sound; getting well; mending.</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I'm learning to take care of my body in ways that never occurred to me before, to respect its limits and honor the wonder of its creation. I'm praying, all the time I'm praying and learning and strengthening my relationship with God, and I'm coming to understand love as I've never known it before. I'm loving on my children, because I can't get back yesterday but I can cherish today. I'm listening to my heart and I'm letting my sadness and frustration motivate me toward a new career, one I can begin when my 20-year military career comes to an end in 2015. I'm writing, because these thoughts I have, these experiences are real, and, while I may remember many of them, I will forget more, unless I stay awake, alert, and present as I must in order to write effectively. I'm growing sound; getting well; mending. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:21.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(44, 37, 37); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Welcome, 2011. I'm looking forward to </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">healing.</span></i></span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family: Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-38278107529835537312010-11-29T23:31:00.004-05:002010-11-29T23:51:59.747-05:00Sacred Space<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Today, a baby was born. He arrived between 2 and 3 p.m., and before 4 o'clock, his mother sent me a text message:</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hi diana. We had the baby! do you have time to come to the hospital to help with breast feeding?</span></b></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The baby's father is a co-worker of mine, since maybe 4 years ago. I've met his wife exactly 5 times ... but I'm "the breastfeeding lady." I've helped mothers and babies as a volunteer since 2005, and in 2009 became a board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC). I don't do a lot of mother-baby helping these days, because my own family and my full-time job as a clarinet player keep me hopping. I do write articles about breastfeeding and I present educational sessions at conferences about breastfeeding, and the young families know me not so much anymore as a clarinet player. They know I'm the breastfeeding lady, the baby whisperer, "all things mom."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I was so excited to go see this new family, with a baby boy just hours old. I tell all of the pregnant families in my workplace "Please, call me! I'm happy to help you. It's so much easier to avoid a problem than to fix one, so call me early!" I was thrilled to receive the text message asking me to visit.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The new parents were happy to see me. Mother was just radiant, despite her exhaustion. She held her sleeping loaf of love in her arms against her naked chest. I was so happy to see that she wasn't worried about being modest, and she was allowing her baby full access to her skin, her warmth, and her scent. Father was as content as I had ever seen him ... and visibly impressed with what his wife had just done in bringing forth this sweet baby boy.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I spent time with them, talking about breastfeeding, reminding them of normal newborn behaviors, and encouraging them to trust their instincts. When it came time to feed the baby, mother wanted my hands on deck. I offered as little assistance as I could, instead encouraging mother to relax and let her baby explore his new world, the outside of her body instead of the inside, where he had lived for nearly 40 weeks. When he latched onto her, she looked up at me. "I'm going to cry now," she announced. I told her to stop looking at me and gaze at her sweet baby ... enjoy him. I reminded her that she had nursed her baby on her own, and could do so again after I left.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Nearly 8 years ago, my own brand-new family took up residence on that same ward, just two doors down from where I spent time this evening. There is part of me that misses my own newborn baby days, those magical moments in that baby bubble. Tonight, I felt immensely blessed and thankful to have been invited into the new family's sacred space. </span></div>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-56712472732014865342010-11-29T01:56:00.006-05:002010-11-29T02:11:02.582-05:00Is this thing on??OK ... I'm going to try something here. Yes, I can see my blog looks a little ... er, dated, and that's even before I look to see when things were posted! Maybe I'll change it up a bit this month, maybe I won't, but at the very least, I've committed to writing something each day during the month of December as part of an online initiative called Reverb10. <br /><br />It's nearly 2 am so I'm not going to say much more about it, but feel free to click on this link <a href="http://www.reverb10.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/reverb10button.png">http://www.reverb10.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/reverb10button.png</a> <a href="http://www.reverb10.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/reverb10button.png"></a> and see what's up. Maybe you'll decide to do it yourself (and by "you," I'm not even sure there's anyone out there, but that's OK).*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-56336332036646683252009-01-11T01:30:00.003-05:002009-01-11T01:36:14.127-05:00Anna's Birthday ListAnna learned how to write last year in kindergarten (yes her teacher was amazing). Over the summer, she wrote on every piece of paper she could get her hands on. In a little memo pad, she wrote her "birthday list" for her 6th birthday, which was still 5 months away. Here's what it said (spellings hers, her capitalizations were a bit more erratic):<div><br /></div><div>Annas Birthday</div><div><br /></div><div>A Donne Doll</div><div>Winnie the Pooh toy</div><div>an automatic Dora casle</div><div>roller scates</div><div>scate boarte</div><div>makeup</div><div>club house</div><div>Baby doll house</div><div>German ear ring book</div><div>Doctor house</div><div>clarinette</div><div>Marie Doll</div><div><br /></div><div>(new page)</div><div>Annas Birthday</div><div><br /></div><div>music book</div><div>cammera</div><div>crouwn clock</div><div>christmas tree</div><div><br /></div><div>I think she had some help from Janet, our German au pair, with the spellings. The wish list, though, was definitely all Anna!</div><div><br /></div>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-84623360491220556232008-03-24T23:17:00.003-04:002008-03-24T23:30:49.061-04:00Stopped by a Cop!Yes, I got pulled over this evening. It was one of those days, really. Bryan was out on a gig that paid only $50 but was something he really *wanted* to do...I took Anna to the allergist this morning and literally the minute I came back, he left me home alone with the kids for the rest of the day (12:45 p.m. until midnight, that comes out to less than $5/hour, indeed).<br /><br />Anyway, in my effort to refrain from killing my beloved children, I stacked our day chock-full of activities. First, we ate lunch and they colored with markers (always a hit) while I did some work. Then, we went to a local farm and gift shop, where we always like to see Polly the Pig and get a homemade cookie. We bought earrings for our former au pair, who is coming to visit us tomorrow.<br /><br />We spent the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening in Walden with Lisa and her kids. Her husband was also gone, so I brought over pancake mix (Nature's Path Flax Plus Multigrain Pancake Mix), a box of chicken and apple sausages, and a package of cooked nitrite-free bacon. The kids played and we made dinner (Lisa made fried apples, which were delicious on the pancakes). Lisa had to leave for a meeting at around 6:45, so I stayed alone with all 5 kids until her husband got home just aftter 8. I considered it a very small exchange for being able to spend the afternoon there.<br /><br />I packed all of our stuff into the van, then loaded each child. Simon wanted to go to sleep. Gabriella cried at first, then settled down. Anna was her usual chatty self. On Stone Castle Road, I passed an unmarked police car going 47 in a 30 mph zone. I knew it immediately and started pulling over before he even had his lights on.<br /><br />Simon perked up, wanted to know what was going on. I was very calm and told him the police wanted to talk to Mamma but not to worry. We sometimes use "the police" as a threat to get Simon to follow instructions, but he seemed able to tell that we weren't in any trouble. When the policeman got to my window, I was still rifling through the glove compartment for the vehicle's registration, but I had the insurance card all ready. I opened my wallet to give him my license, and he spotted my military ID. Ah, that blessed little card saved me again!<br /><br />It wasn't a totally wasted stop fo rthe policeman, though; I'm sure he got quite a laugh out of the few minutes he spent with me...my minivan smelled terrible (my fault, I'm not sure what I ate but it wasn't agreeing with me), and Anna (age 5) was saying from the back seat, "but mom, you always drive that fast, sometimes you go even faster! Did you tell him that you usually drive faster?"*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-74466205234379586262008-03-16T10:08:00.003-04:002008-03-16T10:15:27.755-04:00Boycott NestleLast night, I was on stage during my first concert since having Gabriella. I will admit that this return to the workplace has been the easiest of the three, mostly thanks to Gabriella herself -- she's sleeping well, handling our short separations very well, and generally keeping her mamma at ease...for now.<br /><br />Anyway, as we were beginning the last portion of the concert, the conductor of the children's choir that was singing with us took the microphone to offer appreciation to people who made the event happen. Part of his announcement was a special thanks to the sponsors who partially underwrote the concert -- Nestle Waters/Poland Spring. <br /><br />My face got hot and I'm pretty sure the shock I was feeling was obvious. Bryan looked across the band at me and seemed pretty amused, but I wasn't happy. We boycott Nestle products -- and we're serious about it! There I was, on stage, performing for an event that was partially underwritten by Nestle! I can only hope it was just the water they provided, not any money. I can also hope that posting this blog entry somehow cancels out the fact that I had to stay on stage!<br /><br />If you have any interest in why this produced a knot in my stomach and caused my thoughts to race for the rest of the concert, follow this link. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.babymilkaction.org/pages/boycott.html">http://www.babymilkaction.org/pages/boycott.html</a>*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11409181.post-38465970392799777412008-01-24T22:04:00.000-05:002008-01-24T22:06:32.477-05:00The Miracle of the MidwifeThe first time I picked a midwife, to attend the homebirth of my second child, I just wanted someone who would be nice to me and allow me the freedom to labor and give birth as I wanted to, without drugs or interventions. Of course, I wanted her to be skilled and experienced. Julia more than fit the bill, and she saw me through the later half of my second pregnancy. She arrived at my home less than an hour before my son was born; and her presence was absolutely necessary, as he needed her help to get out of my body.<br /><br />This time, I sought two things in a midwife who would attend the homebirth of my third child: a strong personality, and a comfort level with shoulder dystocia. My opening words to Martha when I first spoke to her were "Before I decide I love you, can you please answer one question for me? How do you feel about shoulder dystocia?" Her answer was very simple. "Well, it's only a problem if you can't get the baby out." Silence followed for a few seconds, then she continued, "...and I know how to get the baby out, so I don't think shoulder dystocia is a problem." I knew I had found my midwife.<br /><br />Martha saw me through my entire third pregnancy with a placidity I had never seen before in a woman. At every visit, I was energized by her strength, confidence, and unbarred trust in pregnancy and birth. I listened to stories of the births she would attend for mothers no other midwife would touch -- home VBACs, older mothers, mothers with histories of pregnancy-related medical conditions. Martha's confidence comes from her extensive experience and knowledge of the pregnancy and birth process, but also from her faith in each mother she supports. She knows that we all want the very best start for our babies, and she trusts that our bodies and our intuition will lead us to successful outcomes.<br />She had far more trust in me and my body than I did. <br /><br />After my experience of giving birth to Simon, I held a lot of fear about whether I could give birth to another baby. I spent my pregnancy focusing on growing a smaller baby, trying to eat intelligently, exercise when I could, and sleep. Taking care of myself was a top priority and as a result, my third pregnancy was also my easiest. While I carried fear, I also knew that being at home, with Martha, was the very best chance I had for the most positive outcome. The concept of a hospital birth felt foreign and disconcerting.<br /><br />I called Martha much eariler than I knew I had to, only because I knew that her proximity alone would free my inhibitions enough for labor to do its work. I had been in a holding pattern of labor for several days, but I knew Wednesday would be my baby's birthday. On Tuesday evening, I let Martha know that labor had settled in, and, in her calm, unemotional way, advised me to sleep and call her when I couldn't sleep through the labor anymore.<br /><br />Martha arrived after 11:00 on Wednesday moring, with her sister, who was visiting from out of town. The most animation I ever saw in Martha was when she spoke of her sister, Etta, during my last prenatal visit, so I invited Martha to bring Etta along if I went into labor while she was in town. I was only 3 cm dilated and contractions were very bearable, so Martha and Etta left to get some lunch while I busied myself arranging food for everyone to eat later.<br /><br />At around 3 p.m., my mood visibly shifted and Martha strongly suggested that I get into the birthing tub. I was reluctant; I wanted her to check my progress. She assured me that, if it was too early, my body would tell us and I'd get out of the tub again. Getting into the tub was the right thing to do.<br /><br />Just before 5 p.m., I was feeling tired and characteristically impatient. I wanted to know if my baby was a boy or a girl. I wanted the contractions to stop hurting. I wanted to know if this baby was going to get stuck on the way out. Martha demonstrated no signs of urgency and didn't seem to care whether the labor went on forever. Her trust never failed and her patience was infinite, but she caved to my desire for information and checked my cervix. 7 cm. I was making progress.<br /><br />Martha didn't touch me again until my baby was born. She didn't break my water in spite of my having been in labor all day. She didn't tell me I needed to make some more progress soon or I would face an intervention. She sat, chatted, and smiled a lot. She checked my baby's heartbeat one time after my water broke; Martha knew that the umbilical cord was low because she heard a "whoosh, whoosh" pulse in one place on my belly, and a "thump, thump" pulse a bit higher...but she was not concerned.<br /><br />In my previous two births, I received the assistance of the birth attendant near the end of my dilation. In my memories of both labors, that cervical induction, as it's called (manually moving a lip of cervix past the baby's head to faciliate descent), was the only experience of real pain I had. I was waiting for Martha to do this again, but she didn't...she knew my body would do what it needed to do, in its own time.<br /><br />In our discussions about shoulder dystocia, Martha had let me know that she would ask me to push my baby out from a hands and knees position if she determined it was stuck. My labor was keeping me in a reclined-sitting position, and I felt that this was the position in which I needed to push the baby out. I felt the head descend and pushed like hell. I was determined and terrified and relieved all at once, and Martha was silent and calm. I knew my baby's head had been born, and I was waiting for Martha to direct me to turn over to help loosen stuck shoulders. When she said nothing, I second-guessed her. I had screamed my baby's head out, I think in expression of the fear I had about whether I had grown another barrel-chested baby, but Martha and Bryan were both extremely calm as they looked at the baby's head. What I couldn't see was that my baby emerged facing my right thigh, then turned face down after a few seconds. Her head stayed pink and did not retract as Simon's had as it turned dusky purple. They knew my baby was on her way out safely.<br /><br />I pushed again and my baby was born. Martha only unwrapped the cord from around her body and pushed her through the water toward me. I gave birth to my baby almost completely unassisted!<br /><br />The miracle of the midwife is that, by doing nothing, she had done something so incredible: she restored my trust in my body's ability to grow a baby and give birth to it. Her presence gave me the confidence to let my body labor; her proficiency gave me the space to labor safely and effectively, and her trust gave me the gift of birthing my baby without even the slight interventions I had been conditioned to believe I needed.<br /><br />Once again, my experience of giving birth changed my life.*Diana*http://www.blogger.com/profile/06115918546806830291noreply@blogger.com1